Rants

If someone wants to be a part of your life, they'll make an effort to be in it 

There are some times when I feel so frustrated, that I would type things out in word document, only to  close the program.
I used to blog frequently on tumblr, doing out typography made me feel better.
I feel best when there are many reblogs, hehe.
But, I'm lacking inspirations now. Sigh.
This post is going to be very incoherent, well not that I always write fluently anyway, but I just am going to type whatever that comes to mind.

Am looking at a blog, and I'm feeling envious of her life.
She has a really warm and sweet family + extended family, who always celebrate events together and go on outings.
I really really wish I had such kind of family. But no.
Even my own family is not bonded.
My dad and mum are "busy" earning money, "busy" with housework.
A lot of times, whatever problems I face, I would suck it up, and think about it silently.
Or just blog or tweet, only to delete them later.
Or sometimes, I would rant to my brother.
I always lament and imagine how blessed it would be to have a strong knitted family.
Our family don't really go out often for dinners now that we're older.
Even if we do, we don't have much to talk about.
It's mostly me v my brother.

Next, it's about me.
I sometimes feel like an anti-social being, with no friends.
Yet, at times I think I'm really friendly to people I meet. However, I don't know how to maintain and create new friendships.
4 years in university, and I don't have any close friend.
I must be a weirdo.
I realized I'm bad at creating conversations too - but there are also people who said I can speak very well.
Hmm, so I guess it lies on whether I am in the mood to talk, and also whether the person and I can click?
Another issue I have is, I am very sensitive towards how people view me.
If people talks about me, I'm very eager to know if it is good or bad. If it's good, what is it good about me.
If it's bad, how bad am I? Am I such a failure?

Also, I have a lot of ideas and expectations of my future life.
I want to have a successful career (can I see some light of what are the jobs I will hold? I'm very open to various opportunities, but I'm unsure of my capabilities.)
I want to create a happy and warm family.
I envision myself living a blessed life as a daughter, a wife and a mother.
I envision being loved, respected, well taken care of, being showed with affection, trust and loving care, and most importantly, being with people who won't make me sad.
Sometimes I wonder, if all these would come true.
And, will I be this lucky?
It seems a bit hazy right now.
Sometimes people fall head over heels with one another, and when things happened, they start rationalizing if things can work out.
I know nothing is smooth-sailing, but I guess pains and hurts can be minimized.
Sometimes a simple respectful and understanding gesture paves a long way.
Sometimes an unkind comment kills the day.
Perhaps before we speak, we should think before opening our mouths?
Guess I need more time for further reflections.

Well I guess that's enough rants for now.
Shan't carry on.
I am only looking forward to my korea trip, which I hope nothing goes wrong then.
I've been to Seoul once for my Summer Exchange, kinda miss the place.
Look forward to my korea post.
Will definitely blog about where to go during my 14 days there (WOW).

Ciao.