This is confidential, but I feel like I need to pen down some thoughts for future reference.
I'm not sure if I'm performing ok.
My boss didnt have negative comments of me, but I doubt he was pleased either.
I don't know if it's the "perfectionist" in me, to hope that people to see me as "the best".
I do think I set rather high standards for myself. I always do, but I mostly dwell in sorrow thereafter.
I don't think the discussion was really bad.
But it wasn't very positive, I felt?
Or maybe because my boss is a man, and man seldom give praises?
He mentioned that my performance is expected, for a fresh grad.
Don't think I like what he had said. It really means I'm average.
Some things to note for my future reference is that, I need to be more specific, I need to give more details.
That's what my boss said.
Okay, fine, I'll take that.
I'm eager to learn, and eager to do things.
But I guess I'm kinda careless?
Probably not conscientious enough?
Work life kinda sucks.
It's like a more cruel kind of school, where the teachers/evaluators are your boss, and your work performance will be reflected in the "report book".
As with the academic report book, the performance report is for life - well unless you make a switch somewhere else and it won't affect you.
In school, your results are based on luck, or maybe, you really did study very hard.
In the workplace, it's about luck as well. Who your colleagues and your boss are, how is the culture in your workplace, and the job scope you're handling. Of course, if you work really hard (OT more, maybe?), check and replies your emails efficiently during weekends....probably that will get you into good books.
It's all about achieving results.
I know I have a long way to go, but sometimes I wonder how long I can go.
Sadly, we all need to work to survive in this insanely-expensive world.
I'm trying to re-love what I'm doing.
I applied for the job because I had interest.
But interest can only be sustained if there are cooperative people around, willing to guide you, be less selfish, more friendly, and....make you feel that you're not alone.
Till next time.
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