Reflections

I have been neglecting this space, not because I've nothing to blog about, but because I'm
1. lazy
2. cannot be bothered after depleting my energy at work.

I've been working for 2 years now.
The 1st 6 months was spent learning a lot since I had no formal work experiences.
I was meek and agreed to do things readily. I met lousy colleagues but by the 8th mth, they'd left.
Then the next 6 mth was when I started to get a hang of things. As people left, I had to hold bigger responsibilities despite being a "newbie".
I learnt fast, and had to deliver fast as well.
Expectations on me became higher, and by the 1st year, I was doing pretty well for a newbie.

Then came the 2nd 6 month after the 1st year.
I got the hang of things and was tasked to make decisions.
But it was so hard to swallow because I still do not have a helicopter view of things.
It was also hard to manage staff - the older staff were easier to manage as they follow hierarchy.
Since I'm their boss, they'd follow what I directed, and offer advices when they dont agree. I was open to their suggestions because they were respectful.
The younger staff, wtf, because I was younger than them, they dont give a f. I treat them as friends, but I realised after a while that lines has to be drawn.
They gossiped about me, and when I ask them to do work, they don't follow.
It was hard to have your subordinates not following your instructions, and I feel like a failure. I thought my directions were clear enough! Only the older staff listened.
One of them left and it felt like good riddance. The other turned better but started gossiping about my colleague who is now his boss.

In the 2nd 6 months leading to the 2 years mark, I felt lethargic.
My colleagues said I smile less. I looked stress.
People come and leave and I had to take on their scopes.
There was no clear directions from the bosses as well, yet they had high expectations and demanded good end results.
Everyone is working in stressed modes and the only time I felt happy was
1. lunch time
2. 630pm.
Even then, during lunch, I'd feel stress thinking about the things I need to complete in the later half of the day.

I also face stress handling colleagues from different departments.
What the shit is this thing about ONE company? Bullshit
Everyone is so selfish and all these people in high-positions only know how to send a LONG EMAIL shooting you and dissing what we do.
Nobody empathises that we are running on LOW MANPOWER.
All these officers know is to complain or point faults at us.
I also face shits from external people. People who think they are all-mighty and don't care about you, because you are just a small fry in the organisation.

There are so many evil people in the organisation that I feel so disgusted by.
How can Singapore breed such people with high IQ and low EQ. Worst, some of them have low IQ and EQ!
Why is it that people in the corporate world are so mean and uncaring?
Those that are nice and caring are always left at the bottom and being scolded by.
These people are always bypassed for promotions.
Something is wrong with our system where those who wayang most, are the most forceful, climb up to the top.
I still have 42 years more to retirement, WTF, and I am already feeling quite hopeless.
I believe the future gen entering the workforce would be another problem to handle.

Alas, this is life.