In-laws relationships

I wish to pen down my thoughts on the titled matter and collate the findings I researched. By in-laws, I refer to spouse's parents and siblings and relatives on a whole.
When a couple gets married, in-law conflict is bound to happen in the near future. I have raised this up with my partner and I am not sure if he fully understand, but I have emphasised how important it is for him to be clear  - if he cannot agree with what is stated, I will not get married.
I find myself rather easy-going but I am reserved and would talk more to people whom I gel well with. Wrong story short, I am not able to click with xxxx but I don't find it an issue as long as there are mutual respects. Do not cross the boundaries. I have told my partner that when we are married, nobody should come between us. If there are conflicts with our in-laws, we shall not walk away from the situation but rather ameliorate by making our spouses look better. This is a play of EQ. I've cases where my partner just say things about me in front of his family which just pisses me off, but I smiled it off not wanting to make a scene. Likewise, I must not make such mistakes in front of my family. I have been praising my partner behind his back to my family. I should learn to compliment him in front of them and make him feel that I really love and treasure him.
I agree wholeheartedly with the following information :
  • Have Your Spouse Resolve Conflict.  “When there is conflict between me and whomever, I talk it over with my husband and he talks to them. For one, they’re his family and he knows how to talk to them, and for two it takes him out of the middle – he doesn’t have to choose between me and them, he helps to resolve any conflict instead of letting one build.” 
  • By no means does this mean that parents/in-laws are not important. They are after all people who brought us up and lived with us since young. However, when 2 person come together as one i.e ARE MARRIED, nobody can come between them.
  • Husband and wife should be prioritised as number 1. 
  • In my view, children should only be prioritised as number 1 with the spouse WHEN THEY ARE YOUNG AND DEFENSELESS.  Once they are old enough, they have their own spouse to prioritise as number 1 and I as a parent, shall note the DOs and DON'Ts.
  • Parents/In-laws should never interfere with how I bring up my kids - there should be mutual respect
  • Parent/In-laws should never invade personal space of the couple - by this, I mean that should I have my own house, they should not pop by as and when they like without informing. Neither should they seek shelter here as and when they please. Both the husband and wife paid for the house together. If there are any such arrangements, the spouse should consult the other spouse and get his/her agreement. Furthermore, the spouse should have the courage to say NO to unnecessary requests and know how to speak RIGHT to the in-laws.
  • Never tell your partner that you will take sides depending on who is RIGHT. What is RIGHT is based on your perception. If you place your spouse as the most important, you should protect and defend him/her. Even if him/her is in the wrong, defend him/her in front of others, before speaking to him/her privately. There is nothing more important than having your spousal support in times like this. If you partner is already feeling bad, do you wish to kick him/her down into depression or make him/her hurt by taking sides depending on who is RIGHT?

Let me know if there are other things that should be included.

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