Of love and marriage - realistic life

After I attended my cousin's wedding, I've been thinking quite a bit.
Suddenly there were so many questions and problems to worry over.
Yes, I'm a worrier.
I find it funny that I'm thinking about all these although I am not getting married soon.
But, time flies quickly. I'd like to think of these thoughts as preparations for the future.

When you date someone, it's natural to think of spending the rest of your life with him.
But, there comes questions of whether he is the right one.
Can he tolerate me forever? Will he be as patient as he was before, when we started dating? Will he pay as much attention, if not more attention and care now that you're his wife?
I'm worried. Feelings change.
When you get so comfortable with someone, you tend to neglect them. You tend to shout and throw your tantrum at them. Are you guilty of these? I am. I am, to my family.
Once the two of you get married, you're family.
Both of you are in charge of building your own love nest.
There's so much to consider, but perhaps, so much joy that singles cannot enjoy.

Sometimes I tell myself, I'm too young.
But I'm already 23 this year.
Although I look like a kid, act like a kid, I do feel old.
Women of the past got married with kids at my age.
What am I doing now? Preparing for my last semester in school, finding a job....worries.
When I was young, I wanted to get married at 23. I used to imagine myself as a tall pretty lady, with elegance and poise, and being a real adult - someone like my mum.
Imagination fails most of the time. I am none of what I imagine - I still act like I'm 10 sometimes.
Makes me wonder how I can raise a family with my mentality.
This is why I need a mature man. Someone who can guide me, whom I can rely on, whom can promise me a good life ahead.
Yet, expectations may fail too.

Another thing is finances.
Without money, you can't have a house, have a decent wedding.
I am not the ostentatious kind. I can make do with a simple wedding, but what about a house?
Isn't it absurd that the HDB costs so much nowadays?
I don't mind a 4 room flat, because I'm living in one right now, BUT, the 4 room flats today are no longer as big as mine.
I will need to buy a 5-rooms flat (that looks like my current 4-rooms), but can I afford it?
I foresee myself making around $2800-$4000 in the future.
But, can I support the housing loans, wedding loans, bills and kids?
The money is getting smaller, and everything costs so bloody expensive.
Can I even afford to become a stay-home mum once I've kids?
I come from a single-income family, where my dad works and my mum takes care of the house.
I used to think this was the norm, but it wasn't.
I find myself privileged that I could enjoy my mum's care - when I was in primary school, I remember my mum bringing food when I had recess, I'd run to the gate and see her and talk to her. When I forgot to bring my homework, I can just call home and my mum would come down to pass me it :) (I live near school). When it rains, my mum is there, waiting for me with an umbrella. When I reach home, I have a ready lunch and dinner. My house is always clean and tidy, even though we are messy. Our mum does all these, while my dad brings home the bacon.
I wish I could do the same to my kids, really. I always feel it is because of my mum's constant presence in every stages of our lives (esp teenage rebellious years) that we did not stray bad.


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