Nonsense, don't bother reading

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I do wonder who am I living for.

When I'm at home, I sometimes feel like I'm invisible.
My parents seem to treat me less well than their sons.
If I don't wash the dishes, they'll nag and say.
If I wash it, I dont get complimented.
What about their sons? One of them does not EVER wash any!
When I'm using the computer, they would nag and say I'm doing nothing at home
Sometimes shouting that I'm useless, staying at home contributing nothing.
When you do good, why is it that no one ever compliment you?

These days, spending time alone at home has been unproductive and horrible.
When you have nothing to do, there's high chances of you overthinking.
A while ago, I was looking through instagram, admiring others' lives.
Why are their lives so much better?
But then again, I am reminded of a Thoughtcatalog article - about how lives seem to be so perfect on social media.
Sometimes I know, with my every post on instagram, I'm out to gather likes, out to gather admiration (oh, you went there! lucky you. oh, you are living such a good life!)
Yet, in reality, you know those posts are just....well, to make people jealous.

I also thought about how few friends I've.
I'm already out of my university life - no more school friends to befriend.
If I am to count the number of close friends I can call if I've any troubles, I can only say 2? (Including my bf)
I do realise I rely too much on my boyfriend.
If you realize, most of my posts in this blog talk about places that I've been to - with my boyfriend.
He's the one I go out with most often, and it's really true that you get close to the one you always hang out with.
However, a guy is a guy - sometimes you just want a female counterpart to talk to.
What if I quarrel with my bf, and he did something I can't comprehend?
I know there's 1 girl friend that I can turn to to talk, but sometimes she do give comments that I don't really want to hear (I know, don't judge me anymore, I'm hard to please)
It's just that when you're angry, you wouldn't want your friend to tell you - eh, your bf is right la. OR, eh you're in the wrong lor!
Save these later please.....although I do know my friend takes a neutral stand la.

Currently, I'm unemployed.
Have been unemployed for 1 month plus - considering I just graduated (end school) in May.
Send out tons of resumes, went for 2 (+1 phone) interviews but alas, no success
Seriously wonder if there's something wrong with my capabilities.
Got called for an OCBC interview thinking, omg I could highly secure a bank job, however, I think I just don't know how to speak - well.
Furthermore, the OCBC HR personnel was yawning while I was talking halfway (rude) and it disrupted my train of thoughts.
Well, I can't do anything about this!
Back to the unemployed status, I truthfully feel jealous every time I see my course mate securing jobs.
Actually only a few got jobs la, but then, you start to realize it's about luck.
So what if my grades are better than theirs? They got lucky with the jobs they applied for!
They can speak better blah blah.
At the end of the day, I need a lot of luck to do well, and to grab onto opportunities.

Argh, enough nonsense.

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